There are two kinds of creatures that live and work at the University of Victoria; invertebrates (that run the place…) and rabbits (in the family Leporidae of the order Lagomorpha…) that have the run of the place.
The most recent body count indicated that there are over 1000 rabbits on campus – and none of them have any intention of graduating.
Because in the world of the rabbit, there are only three states:
Thinking of humping.
Humping.
And smoking a cigarette afterward.
Yes, they poop. A lot.
And dig holes.
And destroy stuff.
But it’s a harmless crime folks – because there is little, if any, intelligent life at UVic… at least from what I have seen in my 20+ years working there.
I am, of course, discounting the hard working staff (Union and professional) and the tens of thousands of hard working students self-improving to make a better World.
I am talking about the decision makers – you know, the Vee-Pee’s and executives that run the joint… whose motto is: “If it ain’t broken… break it!”
Who are generally so wishy-washy about, well, everything that they could not run a 15 cent lemonade stand without running it into the ground worrying about the actuarial implications of running a lemonade stand.
I mean, listen up… On a weekly basis I see young families bring their crawling age toddlers onto campus for the specific purpose of crawling around on feces covered green to play with the rabbits. Hello: Risk of disease. Risk of rabbit bite = 2 days of treatment in the local hospital, blah blah blah.
I give up. Maybe this is just natural selection at work.
Bottom line: The administration at UVic is utterly incapable of coming to a decision on the issue of the rabbit copulation explosion. They can’t do it. They are not built for it.
In the meantime, the rabbits screw and reproduce, dig and crap everywhere placing staff, students and toddlers at risk.
I spoke with a lovely and elderly Scottish lady with a support dog at the Finnerty Express last week… and in her intriguing Edinburgh beam me up Scotty brogue said… “All we need are a dozen Jack Russell terriers… Aye? Problem solved!”
I felt like offering her an executive VP job.
In the meantime, watch your step.
Comments
2 responses to “Winter all fun, food and frolic – rabbits on the rampage – UVic”
In my experience if you want to be promoted to any kind of executive position you must demonstrate only a complete lack of capability and a passion for cutting throats. Then you get raises for making illogical decisions that inconvenience everyone beneath you. Congratulations for escaping the quagmire of Twitter. From what I’ve seen it’s yet another potentially effective method of information transmission brought down to the level of a popularity contest, kind of like Facebook. And the word “tweeps” makes me itch.
Ever been to Collingwood Ontario Collin? We also have what is obviously a hare infestation thanks to a rabbit farmer setting his stock free on the east side of town a few years back. The fluffy fiends here have also taken on the arduous life of fucking, shitting, and hopping. Our Mayor is too busy trying to shut down our ethanol plant to even make himself aware of the carrot loving freaks.
Local residents have taken to using these animals as pets and rereleasing them later on with all of their healthy well fed offspring. Our local food bank is hurting for donations…the town is overrun by rabbits; 3 words – Brandi Marinated Rabbit.