Picture if you would… a little cafe that I have dreamed up. It is kind of a hole in the wall place. Long. Narrow. There are, like, over a hundred tables in this cafe… and the seats are really packed together. So much so that you cannot stretch out your legs. House rules: Everybody stays seated unless I say it’s OK to get up. I wander around the cafe once an hour or so offering people coffee or tea… or water.
And it’s not the best coffee either.
But my cafe is very, very expensive. And oddly, very busy.
People pay hundreds of dollars to sit here. Like I said, I just dreamed this up.
And I do not guarantee that I will actually serve any coffee – or offer any food.
I might charge a cover to come in… and not serve anything at all.
My cafe is so uncomfortable and unpredictable that you might ask yourself why on Earth you are coming here. I mean, what’s in it for you?
Truth is, this business, in real life is actually wildly successful.
Except, it is not a cafe at all. It is your average airline.
An Airline. Kind of like a cafe in the sky. You pay big money. You are treated like crap. Surly in-flight crew shuffle you around like bovine, throwing trowels of inedible food at you – all the while you wonder if your personal effects will be waiting for you at your destination.
Reminds me of a website I discovered on the weekend while thinking about my next trip. Airline Quality.Com blew me away with the candid reviews of Air Travel in the 21st Century. It seems that life on Earth in 2009 is in the 21st Century, but when you take off into the wild blue wonder – you might think it is actually the Dark Ages – right down to the cattle prods and Cat O’ Nine Tails .
Example of an Air Canada horror story – Total cumulative time spent on hold was estimated at 10 hours. I emailed AC this morning, Dec 30. They responded saying it would be 4 weeks before they would get back to me. Any airline can provide good service during the off-season, when the weather is good. The true test of an airline is when it is busy. Air Canada fails this test miserably .
Yup. Page after page of shocking true to life stories like these! I was glued to the computer for hours – my wife had to shake me out of my trance, locked into this like a mongoose being hypnotized by a cobra… couldn’t look away…
Personally, I like my humiliation on the ground where I am, at least, a little in control… or can walk away… Like work, or visiting the Passport Office (funny story – another blog) or doing a live television interview the very moment the interviewer realizes that I have the stage presence of Jean Claude Van Damme… Sorry Jean. At least if you get hassled in the air, you can round-house kick your way out of trouble and parachute to safety.
Anyway – before you fly or travel or plan your next vacation – visit two websites:
Airline Quality.Com and Trip Adviser.Com
For the coffeecrew blog, I am Colin Newell. Feet planted firmly on the ground… at least for now.