Summer fun food and drink – Starbucks in decline chapter three

Gather your Starbucks shares while ye mayIn the race to win a large slice of the Australian coffee market, Starbucks acknowledged experiencing the business equivalent of a blown head gasket. 61 “under-performing” stores to be shuttered out of its total Aussie portfolio of 84.

Starbucks ambitions to be Aussie’s caffeinated Billabong of choice and its subsequent yewey have left investors and speculators saying hooroo to share value.

Buggah. Explanation of some of the words above? Aussie Slang

With 15,000 coffee shops globally and 600 stores in the US heading to the long paddock one has to ask: Where does it all end? 12,000 employees in the U.S. could be flipping pages in the help wanted section – so what’s next?

In my opinion, I see this more as a stage of healthy weight loss – kind of like Marlon Brando shedding a few pounds… at least… while he was alive.
Ok. Maybe not a really good example.

Starbucks can afford to shrink a little when you think about it for a moment. What other business can you name, that when you look down your main street in your town… you see a Starbucks… and when you move your head ever so slightly to the left or right… you see another Starbucks. I dare say you would not find that with a McDonalds… or a Subway… or… whatever. You get the point.

Heck. Starbucks is more ubiquitous than Vitreous Floaters – and more common than the Head Cold – There is so much Starbucks coffee consumed in Seattle, Washington alone that the caffeine levels in Puget Sound spike measurably at 10:20 AM and 3:20 PM every weekday.

So they can shrink a little. Sure their share price is falling faster than a gray squirrel base jumping from the penthouse level of my apartment building. This will be a golden opportunity at some point in the near future. After all, we are talking about coffee here – a infinitely renewable resource – with a captive audience… hopelessly addicted… I mean dependent on a healthful beverage rich in… antioxidants… yea.

One other thing – Starbucks would be well served to abort the gut-bomb breakfast items – The TurboChef, a malfunctioning Star-Trek replicator type device that reconstitutes breakfast sandwiches made several light years from here is not a great addition to a place that is supposed to smell like coffee. If I want a Sausage McMuffin (made fresh and on the spot…) you know where I am going to get it from!

And the squirrel. He is fine. Terminal velocity for a squirrel is about 3 miles an hour. He dusted himself off, threw back a quad espresso and got back to the serious task of getting his nuts together.