A family court judge in New Zealand has had enough with parents giving their children bizarre names and did something about it.
Ok. Let’s get into it shall we.
I am, for all intents and purposes the product of the seventies. And for those of you, just joining us (quite literally… in the last twenty years or so…) let me just explain what I mean.
I think my mother and father are two of the World’s oldest hippies. And I dig that. I really do. They had the good sense to name me Colin… at a time when the name Colin was totally cool. And I am still good with that name. Like, totally.
But what the heck is with parents who have 3 sons and they name them Caelin, Coban and Calum? Hello. The last time I checked, there were more than one or two letters in the alphabet. And what is with this Celtic name shit anyway? My great grandparents, I think, were from Cork, Ireland – my folks and their folks grew up in Eastern Canada so I think I earned the right to have a cool Irish name… So go ahead, challenge my logic. I dare you.
Anyway. Anyone, I mean any two parents… so fuzzy brained to have 3 boys and give them all imaginary pseudo-Celtic names (starting with the letter C no less) need to have my Tony Lama encased leather boot firmly up their ass. Grr. Are we having summer fun yet?
Back to the lead story. People that name their children Sun Flower or God is my Judge (actual name from the seventies…) need to get off the Ganja and get with the program. Thankfully when most of us become adults, we can legally change our names to something that we really like – sadly, when we are kids (and we are generally merciless to each other between the ages of 4 to 16…) the damage is generally done.
So. I am Colin. And I am pretty well balanced. And I have never spent more than a few hundred dollars on therapy (in the 80’s… I mean who wasn’t!?) Who knows what that bill would have been if I had been named Amber Rose Tamara, Saffron Sahara or Tallulah Pine (Simon Le Bon spawn…), Fifi Trixibelle, Peaches Honeyblossom and Pixie (Poli-Eco-Idiot Bob Geldof) and the all time worse picks – Dweezil, Ahmet Emuukha Rodan, Moon Unit and Diva Muffin from music loon Frank Zappa.
Thanks Mom. Thanks Dad. You freaking old hippies rock! Thank-you!