Random acts of criticism #1

In a continuing series of randomly orchestrated and generally abusive diatribes on the Canadian condition, Colin Newell will skewer, broil and digest items of regional interest… regardless of the outcome, irrespective of those whose feelings he hurts… Oh! Has he no shame!? Anyway… on with the show.

Athletes on Canada’s national snowboarding team are paying their own way to World Cup events or missing them altogether because the Canadian Snowboard Federation has run out of cash.

Canadian snowboarder Alexa Loo claims she racked up a credit card bill of more than $5,000 taking planes to races in Japan, Korea and Lake Placid, N.Y. during the
season only to miss the final race in Italy because she couldn’t afford the airfare.

snowboarding cash flow downhill in CanadaStop! Stop! Enough already. I thank God everyday that we did not have children who turned out to be jocks. Such waste. Pity the hard working families whose children turn out athletic. Tragic yes, but it happens to many Canadians…
Take heart: Relief is on the way! The government of Canada is doing its part to put an end to amateur sports. A pandemic of funding cuts to Canadian sports programs has left our Olympic bound skiers in hot water and our swim teams rowing downhill. In America, if an athlete wants to get ahead, he or she need only sign onto a lucrative Nike deal – In Canada an Olympic hopeful signs up on a Girl Guide cookie route – sticky sweet, yes but hardly a solution to their money woes. How can you help? Attend any Canadian athletic event (if you can find one…) and cheer on the swimmers with an exuberant “Run! Run! Run you slacker Run! …and toss large coins. Anything helps.

In Hockey news, the Vancouver Canucks are struggling in their fitful and pathetic attempts to get on the golf course as soon as humanly possible.
With my infallible magic powers, I will grant them this wish tonight!

The nations broadcaster, CBC, continues to astound, amuse and aggravate Canadians with yet more startling cut-backs. By now you have heard of the complete gutting of CBC Radio 2 programming and the axing of the CBC orchestra. News from the inside indicates that Peter Mansbridge’s prime time Canadian newscast is getting the guillotine – and in its place will be a flat-screen TV tuned to CTV’s Lloyd Robertson. It’s bold. It is grandiose. But will Canadians notice this subtle whittling away of Canadian culture?